Nine hilarious things my ex-boyfriend said

Nine hilarious things my ex-boyfriend said to me when he broke up with me after he cheated on me and ridiculed my broken feelings. Oh, the list goes on, but here's just a few.

"One in the hand is worth two in the bush." or his other choice favorite, "robbing Peter to pay Paul."

I realized the man himself was the actual cliche and then feared he may not be real at all. I started to treat him with indifference, replying to his inquires with nonsense grunts

and wild testiculations. The vapor rings encircling the pendulous marble bags were almost visible through the multiple layers of befouled sweat pants

. "My turn!" shouted Gladys, pushing Angela away from the glory hole they'd drilled into the 8th grade boys locker room the night before. "Oh my gawd." Gladys gushed. "Tim Johnson

looks like he had a really awesome circumcision." Gladys scanned the other showers, getting more and more worked up as she did so. Suddenly Jacob, the elderly janitor, burst into

the room with a huge wheelbarrow filled to the brim with leftover skin from what appeared to be hundreds of circumcisions. Gladys screamed at the top of her lungs as the

wintergreen lifesaver and some pocket lint. What would McGyver do?! As the blood seeped across the floor toward her shoes, she remembered she was wearing odor eaters and quickly

improvised suction-cup mittens. She crawled, spider-like, up the moist wall. She tied the lint to the bars. Creating a spark with the lifesaver, she burned her way out to freedom.