'This might seem obvious, but it's important,

'This might seem obvious, but it's important, son. I don't want you ever shooting me in the leg again. It's very painful for me, and no, I'm not going to raise my voice, but if you

continue participating in target practice while I'm up on the roof fixing the hole that you & your friends made when experimenting with explosives, son, I'll be forced to

This is a loving act. It's because I love you that I want you to behave exactly like me.

So straighten up and fly right, stop sniffing shoe polish, turn off the TV, shut down your social networking website, drop the plutocratic attitude, don't get hung up with hangover

Saturday mornings. Instead, limit yourself to one or two drinks Friday night and skip getting high on shoe polish altogether. Remember, life is what you make it. Your attitude

is your platitude. Let a smile be your umbra, (or is it umbrella?) Remember you need to squeeze a few lemons to make an omelet. So get cracking!

A whip. A chain. Brought to you by the Miracle Man on 39th Street. He held his head high and screamed at the moon. Yellow was his color and he wore it with disdain all the years of

his curse. Yet now that the unholy union was broken it seemed like a blessing, and he rattled his chains and swung his whips with the vigor of unbridled passion locked away so very

heavily. He was scared for what was to come next. His hands trembled in the cold cell. If he looked closely he could see his breath. then a banging on the door... *BANG BANG BANG*