Regrets, we all have them. One in particular

Regrets, we all have them. One in particular haunts me day and night. It all stems back to April '82. The wanton urge

to see old lady Jenkins naked got me in hot water not only with the police, that I could handle no problem, but with

my brother. Apparently, he had a "thing" for her for years. How was I to know? He came into my room with something in his hand. As he got closer I noticed

it was wet. I thought 'blood' first, but then I noticed it was a different shade of lime-green. Now I was curious. He looked at me, smiled, and waved. I waved back, not hiding

my nakedness. That lime-green crap had dissolved all of my clothes and I after everything I'd been through I was not about to let mere nudity shake my resolve. So, I gathered up my

dignity (or what was left of it anyway) and ripped a nearby flag from its perch to cover my nakedness. I determined to get my payback on the one who

I only wanted to eat my breakfast in peace. I love gyrating as much as the next man but there comes a time in a person's life where they have to give up the night life in favor of

a bowl of Grape-Nuts. It's all about regularity in old age. Now, my body rebeled at the thought of late nights spent binge drinking. It was no longer life in the fast lane.

But then I had the prize winning cheese didn't I? I could lord my sharp cheddar in Hector's face. It would be my cheese that would crown this year's Harvest Nachos.