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Regrets, we all have them. One in particular

  • Regrets, we all have them. One in particular haunts me day and night. It all stems back to April '82. The wanton urge

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  • to see old lady Jenkins naked got me in hot water not only with the police, that I could handle no problem, but with

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  • my brother. Apparently, he had a "thing" for her for years. How was I to know? He came into my room with something in his hand. As he got closer I noticed

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  • it was wet. I thought 'blood' first, but then I noticed it was a different shade of lime-green. Now I was curious. He looked at me, smiled, and waved. I waved back, not hiding

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  • my nakedness. That lime-green crap had dissolved all of my clothes and I after everything I'd been through I was not about to let mere nudity shake my resolve. So, I gathered up my

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  • dignity (or what was left of it anyway) and ripped a nearby flag from its perch to cover my nakedness. I determined to get my payback on the one who

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  • had left me so sticky, so drunk and so confused. Still, there was more to be done naked than I cared to in that place, all red light & studded leather covering me with pyramids and

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  • I only wanted to eat my breakfast in peace. I love gyrating as much as the next man but there comes a time in a person's life where they have to give up the night life in favor of

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  • a bowl of Grape-Nuts. It's all about regularity in old age. Now, my body rebeled at the thought of late nights spent binge drinking. It was no longer life in the fast lane.

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  • But then I had the prize winning cheese didn't I? I could lord my sharp cheddar in Hector's face. It would be my cheese that would crown this year's Harvest Nachos.

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