Thick Hatch splattered his acolytes with

Thick Hatch splattered his acolytes with his ink brush. "To hell with mincing about on eggshells and stringing words like popcorn in a storm! Folks are fundamentally unpeaceful, so

let's hotbox the entire WORLD! Exxon Mobile's whole greenhouse gas plot was not global warming, it was global peace. Now they poured oil on huge acreages of marijuana. Mr. Hatch sa

d little octopus that he was, screamed. Then, a magical thing happened. Mr. Hatch felt better. All the angst was gone. Global peace was possible. He asked if he'd light the first

ceremonial Christmas light of the season. He cured cancer. He even understood women. Nothing was beyond his reach! That is, until he

had to take down his Christmas lights on Feb. 2nd to conform to San Diego law. He hyperextended his dominant cancer cure-injecting arm and coulda sworn his wife said, "Fall on me."

And fall he did, right there in the bulb-laden bushes with his wife. Holding his valuable arm out to one side, he "celebrated Christmas" one more time before the San Diego cops

made a Harlem Shake video and posted it on YouTube. The San Diego cops Harlem Shake video was so popular that the YouTube servers could not cope with the traffic

not only doubled their criminal activity but also uploaded hundreds of videos to YouTube of San Diego cops wearing their party hats and riding around in their clown cars. The cops

maintained that their actions were part of the "Keep San Diego fun!" campaign. As billions of balloon animals floated off the coast, we knew everything was okay.