I took my dog for a walk around the park

I took my dog for a walk around the park while the boys played football.

suddenly the dog saw a cat and ran after it i fel flat on my face on the muddy feild

murdered father with a leering curiosity. She had fallen asleep with the axe in her hand. Lizzie Borden hoped the farmer didn't go upstairs to see

the crochetwork that she'd botched. The idea of stitching a hammock for the parrot had been a stupid one. She got angry, hence the patricide. When she awoke the axe was missing

a large chunk out of it's blade and parts of her father were everywhere. The parrot kept repeating 'Noooo!', 'Noooooooo!' She couldn't take it any longer so she

made a fillet of the bird, seasoned with fresh paprika and a light touch of vinegar. It was so delicious that she almost forgot about the disfigured corpse of her father.

Almost, but not quite. It was taking up too much space, and it was a dreadful eyesore. She looked at the tablecloth, then whisked it off and covered her dear departed dad's body.

It wasn't supposed to be like this, this couldn't be the way he died. She slumped to the floor and tweeted what happened before calling the police.

Her mourning friends tried to honour her by making her a trending topic, but it was drowned out by celebrity "deaths" and Justin Bieber fangirls.