"No, I'm serious, mom. I'm a meth addict." There

"No, I'm serious, mom. I'm a meth addict." There was a long pause. "And so is

Joanie...and so is Ted. All of us, mom, aaaaalllll of ussss!" I blubbered on my mom's shoulder. "Whaat are we gonna do? We're addicted soooo baaaa-aaad!" This is the story of how

and heard the crystal mistress singing. Songs of elegance. Our eyes quivered and floated like flames. Floating into the puddle of dragon tears. Its warmth was like a numbness

. We boarded 2 lily pads and using delicate fern fronds paddled through the Dragon Tears Pool in to the Crystal Mistress's cave. Her singing became harsher and echoes bounced off

The styrofoam walls. The cat slept through it all. Amazing! Nobody I knew slept all night after that caterwauling experiment. The stereophonic equipment was amorphously created.

We continued to tweak the equipment for weeks until everybody realized that we weren't ready to record this album without Roger Dirt. So David Lungless had to trek on over to Shri

-eking Vulture Cemetery to beg Roger Dirt's ghost to help on the recording. But Roger Dirt's manager refused to release him from his contract, even though he was dead. So David had

no choice but to take on two contracts. Roger Dirt had lived a horrible, gruelling life as it was, it was the least David could do. So he strode up to Mr. Manager man and shouted

I LOVE YOU, WILL YOU MARRY ME? Mr. Manager Man squealed in delight, "I thought you'd never ask!" So they were married, and Roger Dirt went back to college to study instead of work.