What's big, black, hulking, and scares the

What's big, black, hulking, and scares the living daylights out of women? The creature living in the basement, that's what. But if I don't keep it fed, I'll be next to disappear..

I know when the basement creature is hungry. It calls for me like this: "HeyHeyHey Fat Albert!" It feeds on bodily fluids of humans. I was fresh out of blood, sweat, and tears!

But I had plenty of beer, which comprises 90% of my bodily fluids. The "Beeramid" of empty bottles in my foyer is my alibi. "Want a swig?" I filled the basement creature a goblet &

held it out as a peace offering. "If you expect my blessing you must pass the 3 Tests!" it snarled. Freaking basement creatures, I was not nearly sober enough for this. "Test One!

"Oh no," I slurred, wishing I wasn't drunk. The basement creature cackled, jumping up and down and clapping his hands. "Create a limerick singing my praises!" he ordered.

The basement creature that has me in it's thrall, Is as short as he is tall. he's ordered me to rhyme or he'll cut down my time. What he doesn't know will be the death of us all.

But what he has in mind will make your skin crawl. Within his eyes our lives are lost, within those seas our ships are tossed. What, I ask you, is the cost? Will the crops survive

The storm, or will our offal coat the lawn? Can we slay this gruesome beast, or shall we wind up as its feast? Brandishing axes, we went to hack, but it swept us on our backs.

The beast growled. It stomped and it prowled. It raised it's head, and then it howled. "Who are you to challenge me? Why do you not flee? Stubborn ilk, face me now, take my milk."

The breast suckled at my teat. It felt neat. I sliced its throat. That was my vote.