After I'd received my neighbor returned to

After I'd received my neighbor returned to me from selling him on eBay, the car wash's genie mascot explained his master was the car wash owner. I plotted to earn his wishes for my

ultimate life goal: a third testicle. I always said I'd give my left nut for a third testicle. All I had to do was cuckold the genie from the car wash owner and make him my bitch.

But first, I needed to think. Thinking was hard.

I don't know why I even bothered. Consciousness was a real drag on the whole. My sense of self was probably my least favorite sense, come to think of it. Damn, another thought! Why

I had such a problem with my inner voice. It was always telling me to follow my life's ambition and all I wanted to do was watch Top Gear. Alcohol was able buffer some.

Then I learned about "The Secret." Focus on my desires and they would materialize. But where did my desires come from? Where did Alcohol and Top Gear come from? Where did

I reached into my pocket and found a clue, it was a business card for a taxidermist on Broadway Ave. I hailed a cab and asked the driver to take me to the address

on the heart of the fashion district. Walking past the bolts of fabric, I found a tiny door. As I crawled through, I saw the biggest stuffed sparkly unicorn w/ another clue on its

left hind sparkle. It was a teeny scroll. I unrolled the mini message and read: "Where you heart is there will be your treasure also." But I had left my heart in San Francisco.