MEMO to all citizens. Christmas is cancelled,

MEMO to all citizens. Christmas is cancelled, effective immediately. Please proceed directly to December 31. Happy new year!

Mr Grynch often placed ads in the classified section of The Times however this year he did not expect to receive such a massive response

to his personal ad which read: "Cranky old man seeks perfection." Perhaps it was the intriguing way his ad was worded,but literally hundreds of women wanted to meet him. Mr. Grynch

wasn't really dating. He'd placed the add so Max would stop whining. Max was giddy. "See if any of them have a dog" said his eyes. The Grych stopped. Cindy Lou Hoo? My, she'd grown

and grown and grown until her immense weight sunk the N. American continent. The Grych (formerly the Artist Formerly Known as The Grinch) dove to punishing depths to try to rescue

William Shatner but Shatner was lodged in the Marianna Trench. His bloated torso caught on the marine canyon. He could feel cold water and squiggly things touching his lower half.

Where was Spock when he needed him? The spaceship on Vulcan was nearly destroyed, so he fell to earth. Four years later, the whole galaxy had to be remapped and he was assigned to

babes. I'm so depressed I'm about ready to put on a red shirt!" Spock grumbled. "Don't do it, man!" Scotty cried, grabbing him by his ears and kissing his forehead, "We need you."

He finally knew how he vital he was to the mission, but it was too late! For he secretly had a redshirt underneath his yellowshirt. "NOOO" Scotty cried as he died, semi-tragically.