Humphrey was a man of action, and as a man

Humphrey was a man of action, and as a man of action the first thing he did every morning was hunt and eat 3 feral wolves and drink a bucket of magma. After this his routine was to

down 3 gallons of napalm and swallow whole 3 dozen eggs, with carton. Not even pausing for breath, he shaved with a bowie knife in one clean swoop, using no lotion or aftershave.

Then Crocodile Dundee realized that the only way to kill a drug dealer from New York was to lure him to Australia and pick his gang off one by one in the outback. Unfortunately

, eventhough he impressed them with his "This is a Knife!" speech. Their "This is a Glock!" speech was moreso. Dundee's Jeep took off into the desert with the Bangers driving close

and shouting to us through the window of their vehicle, "It's spelt cum, it's not a house style, it's spelt c-u-m!" But of course we couldn't hear them with the window down, racing

cumbersomely down "Syringe Lane." My tire was injected with diuretics and went flat. "Speed Racer's passing us!" I yelled to my crew chief. He called an airstrike of molasses and

let's go get some Tootise Rolls!" Simon's wife balked. "Honey," she replied, "You need artificially flavored crap like a turtle needs a seat belt." Simon scowled but obeyed his

battle-axe. Utterly emasculated, Simon felt a twinge of regret at the knowledge that he would take her life before the day was through. "Honey, why are you smiling like that?", she

asked. He only glazed upon the Twinkie on her head and died