The CD's were covered in mite-dander and

The CD's were covered in mite-dander and cat hair but they were free. Thousands in alphabetical order given to them from a dead doctor. They'd gotten them because the family didn't

want cross dressers in their brood. Vince told each of them to grab one dress and board the pink bus. Moments later, they were headed down Walton's Mountain to the Dew Drop Inn.

So named, for abundance of morning dew that accumulated in artistically-placed decorative saucers near the entranceway. The Inn was also famous for its regulars, a rag-tag group of

bespectacled anteaters vowing to clean up the burgundy streets of Escobar Pines. Roving gangs of well-mannered antearers lurked openly throughout the minimall, violently helping

unsuspecting holidayshoppers clean up their wallets. The masses doggishly surrendered their belongings. After getting home, the people foolishly wondered where all their gifts had

ended up. The Scarlet crusader's plan to redistribute the wealth was a little unconventional, but he saw it as necessary. He twisted his vermillion mustache delighted with the haul

and hopped onto his Crimson Chariot. Still bursting from the afterglow of success, the Scarlet Crusader stopped off at Red's Recovery Room to tilt a few. Ruby, his favorite barkeep

who just came to use the bathroom. He shoved some Sweet'n Low packets and a salad fork into his pocket as he excused himself. "Nab some two-ply while you're in there," I said. "We

're living off the grid, starting today!" No more pencils, no more books, no more capitalists' dirty looks. No more taxes, no more commute, no "9-5" is our pursuit. Later, suckas!