The crates held everything that was important

The crates held everything that was important to him. The rooms were empty and waiting to be vacated and he'd stuffed what was left of his family into the crates. His new life'd be

sweller than a hot dog roast on the 4th of July. Crate & Barrel's shipping schedule meant the bodies wouldn't be discovered for weeks. If at all, he had cut the pieces into a 1/4

inch dice and had labelled them stew meat. Really more of a Williams Sonoma thing, I know, but Dudley wasn't the best at disposing of the bodies he made. But too many Cheetos

had taken their toll on his waistline as he was now

unable to do up his own shoes. Slip-on's that's the answer he thought and started to plan his escape to the shopping mall. But that opened up a whole new set of challenges...

But first he needed help: an accomplice. He called his buddy David Spade to help him, but David had no use for new shoes. He preferred to go barefoot at all the red carpet events.

"David can be such a pussy sometimes, but what he lacks in fashion risks he more than makes up for with his impressive list of break dancing contacts." He mused

that if this was Frank's opinion of him, he was no paragon of fashion himself, wearing lederhosen, ratty fur coats and laced boots on the wrong feet. Dave turned the diary page

to reveal he was booked for the final shot of the new A&F winter collection catelogue. Really, it was a dream come true. Who could have booked him for such an amzing job.