It was 11 p.m., Mr. Aardvark glanced outside

It was 11 p.m., Mr. Aardvark glanced outside to the pouring rain. Another cigarette, another Bourbon. The cutout ransom letter he had found read "Get me my Golden Diamond or

the Jade Lizard or something like that." The kidnappers were pretty vague. Why was he picked for the case? Was it because Aardvark was the first name in the phonebook?

His tongue flicked out at a stray ant on the countertop. He munched it as the caller continued. "It could be crucial to the case." Like this yahoo knew about cases. Or kidnappers.

Inspector Antonio Vermillingua replied "Goa ona". The voice whispered, "I know where they're keeping Andy, what's in it for me?". Andy was the Zoo's prize missing albino anteater

trainer. Although he had zero pigment and his organs shown through his translucent skin, he could train an anteater to do just about anything. Inspector Antonio Vermillingua

had captured the notice of Guido Yamazato. "No need to fear. I can see through you, and yet I cannot. Respectable. I wish you well, Inspector Vermillingua." Antonio looked around

, but saw no one in the room. Was the entity still present? Antonio could not tell. "I fear no one," he said, just in case, "Especially cowards who do not show themselves!"

For Antonio was not yet ready for female encounters. He had even taken on a gay life style in order to avoid any interaction with the opposite sex. Still the voice whispered:

tomorrow you will awake to find yourself stuck in the body of your Aunt Margaret. If that wasn't bad enough, Aunt Margaret was hit with the ugly stick. Nobody likes an ugly woman.