Some people call it a swing blade but I call

Some people call it a swing blade but I call it a kaiser blade, I think i will go with Billy Bob Thorton and end up calling it a......

DAY!!!!!!!!

"Carpre Diem!" I always say. Which is Latin for "Die Carp Die!" Never liked the fish. I would start out the morning berating them in nearby streams. Dead eyes stared back.

while i enterd a cave home to the lochness monster, I stared back only to find that the waves had.....

certain kind of stink. A mixture of musk and petroleum. Nessy's cave was a rank debacle. She had a nest made out of fishing nets. There was a cabbage patch doll in her nest, and

a small outboard motor, rusty Folgers can, lake trout skeletons, a Skoal tin and an unopened marshmallow bag. If Nessie's nest was ever found, they'd see she was an extreme hoarder

. It was the huge pile of empty whisky bottles which alerted me to the nesting site of Nessie herself. There, on top of a pile of pine branches, were olive green eggs the size of

, well, olives. In fact, they were olives. Olives for Nessie's Scottish martinis. Yes, this was Nessie's nesting site alright because I also found her stash of ovulation tests.

Nessie's discarded ovulation tests floated about in the loch and some even had become lodged in a storm water drain blocking the flow. Nessie needed a professional organiser to hel

ter skelter her up an appointment with the zoological gynecologist. Knowing how rare sea monsters are, it wouldn't be too hard for her to figure out who the father was. Mazel tov!