If I could read minds I think I'd hate the

If I could read minds I think I'd hate the world even more. If everyone even my family and friends could read mine they'd probably kill me. Thank God for silent thoughts.

"You're welcome." Crud, God could hear my thoughts loud and clear. "That's right." And He seems intent on commenting on every single one. "Wait, you can hear My thoughts too?"

Well no, not technically because everything God was saying was in my thoughts....which meant God's thoughts were my thoughts...which meant I am God. "No you're not." God said.

"You are The Highlander," he continued, "and you are immortal." This meant I had to practice my Lambert impersonation if I was gonna make this trustworthy. Sean filled my glass and

and asked for my views on the 2014 Scottish Independence Referendum. I told Sean than I was interested in how the decision would impact Scotland's economic strength. My glass was

refilled by Alex Salmon, First Minister of Scotland. The mist swirled about his lovely kilt and his hairy knees glowed in the gloaming. "Come to Scotland wi' me, hen," he burred,

and the sheep began to tremble. Alex Salmon beamed in the highlands, this was his finest hour. He was the First Minister of Scotland so he pounded his chest and yelled, "

There can be only one!" Seven bold contestants emerged from the crowd, drawing their swords. Alex Salmon reached for his scabbard only to find it occupied by a large salami.

The sword swallower had hoodwinked him, but A. Salmon was no quitter. He substituted the salami for a weapon and waved it wildly. After whacking contestants #2 and 3