Billy Pepper was all about beef jerky, cold

Billy Pepper was all about beef jerky, cold brew and hunting knives which made him the perfect

host for our Annual Hatchet Toss event. First up was Tommy who promptly bounced one off the tree and into his own kneecap. He was out. Next up was Billy P himself who'd already dow

could no longer "axe" him a question. Still, alcoholics failed to see the problem with the drunken stupidity they worshiped so religiously. The hatchet accident came to be known

as "He came, he saw'd". As drunken hatchet accidents go, it doesn't hold a candle to the time Aunt Millie drank a fifth of Seagram's and accidentally sat on the launch button for

the Jehovah's Witnesses' "Operation: Grace Invaders". A rocket launched, dropping prayer pamphlets on unsuspecting barns. In defense, a farmer threw an egg (rather than hatch it)

and the egg knocked the Jehovah Witnesses' rocket out of orbit. Floating dormant in the fold-space-time continuumfor four years, they had to eat their pamphlets for food

or survive on frozen dinners. Nobody can actually live on frozen dinners so their pamphlets were eagerly consumed. Nobody mentioned eggs because

eggs were for chickens. But I wasn't chicken...I was fearless. Maybe I couldn't survive on frozen dinners, but I certainly could use them as weapons. I practiced my frisbee

throw, and would surely have beaned the abominable snowman in the noggin if Nanook the Sled Dog hadn't caught it mid-air. The icemen cheered. We won the cold medal! I died happy.