Hero, my little Ugandan friend, was the Grand

Hero, my little Ugandan friend, was the Grand Marshall for a New Year's Day Parade.

Hero had always been self conscious about his 4 ft stature so he wore stilts under his long pants. Everything was going well. Then Timmy yelled, "Hey, the Grand Marshall's a chimp!

The whistle sounded and the band turned inwards to the rapid fire staccato of the snare drums and the rhythmic crash of the cymbal. They formed up like Voltron

preparing for battle. The color guard grabbed their rifles and threw them with the precision of a well tuned machine. The drum line stepped out and the captain yelled

"Go pick up your rifles! Rifles are for shooting. If you wanna throw stuff, chuck some spears through their pencil sharpeners." The color guard was falling to the white out cannons

The marching band was howling Sousa, but the color guard started bludgeoning them with kung fu-like baton twirls. Someone lost an eye. This was the best school event ever!

The principal's unmistakable baritone echoed over the PA system: "I've been advised to tell you to stay away from the marching band... The National Guard is on their way." Pep was

ace. "But..." one girl with blue sequins in her hair started to ask. "No BUTS!" he interrupted. "You girls get in there NOW. It's all about that bass!" He put the dancers' music on

fast-forward and shot at their feet. Instinctively, the ballet dancers began Riverdancing, and the audience erupted in cheers and applause. Unorthodox, perhaps, but very lucrative!