How am I, you ask? Im doing better than a

How am I, you ask? Im doing better than a castrated nymphomaniac in a whore house but that's not saying im fantastically supurb. Better than a midget trapped in a pumpkin or a

Canary in a coal mine, but I'm alright. I can't believe how the situation got out of control so quickly. Yes, cow-tipping is wrong, but illegal? And the police wanted DQ gift ce

rtificates to trade in for a full Dunkin' Donuts card. I had none but they settled for 2 Little Caesars crazy combo coupons so they let me go with a cow tipping warning. The canary

had died. It wasn't safe. I held my breath as I tried to get out of the Little Caesars. But I was blocked at the exit by a family of

four...each of whom had enormously HUGE gluteus maximuses...or is it maximi?? Anyway, I could not escape Little Caesars 'til the Maximi family placed their order. I took a breath &

said "Good afternoon, how may I help you today?" But my face really said "It's the end of my shift, and you bunch of fat-asses just made me stay for at least another hour, you

should suck the tailpipe of a car driving off a cliff." The deaf customer could read facial expressions, so she flipped me off. I referenced my sign language dictionary and learned

. I knitted my dog a hi vis coat and wrote 'Doggy Mentor' on it. I'd encourage lonely people to pet her & put their worries aside for a few minutes. My dog is unpredictable & tried

to engage them in games of chess. While preoccupied, I would take their wallet. I was flushed with wealth until we met Grand Master Magnus Carlsen, the dog drew and I was detained.