Christmas shopping ideas for my spouse: undersized

  • Christmas shopping ideas for my spouse: undersized green bikini briefs with a red bow around my 'package'? Surprise minivaction to local hotel with wellness pampering for two?

  • Or...a gift card? My wife would love a Walmart gift card. Nothing says "Merry Christmas Darling" better than a Walmart gift card, right? I could still give her my package too.

  • But that cost money. Hmmm... How 'bout discount coupons for an oil change? Our car could use a tune-up this winter and my wife would see how thrifty I am! Christmas gifts are so

  • -cially accepted means by which to tell your spouse how you really feel about them. Maybe a weekend getaway trip would be safer after all. I fired up my computer and searched for

  • a trip to the Tower of London. I booked the Renewal of Vows package at the church there - at the very altar where 2 of Henry VIII's beheaded wives were buried in unmarked graves.

  • I stared at the unmarked graves in silence, pondering what to do next... then it hit me! I needed to

  • dig a little deeper to unearth the source of the sound of this silence. I took a sip of my Zombie cocktail. Another epiphany! If someone gave me a hand we could put our brains toge

  • ther in a punch bowl with some electrodes and nanosprinkles and REALLY have a party. But the scene was full of deadbeats and losers, shuffling around, bumping into things, dropping

  • their DNA encrusted bits onto the floor, and sneezing them into the air. I had to hold a poodle to my face just to escape the encroaching didactic pungency of the room. That is whe

  • n the poodle let loose of its opinion of the whole matter in great whooping gusts that culminated in me cackling and spraying the room with scatological canid wit.



  1. lucielucie Dec 26 2014 @ 14:21

    My fold was based on a true story. We were taking the tour of the Tower of London and we were in the church there. The Beefeater was telling us that the beheaded bodies of 3 executed queens were buried under the altar. 2 x wives of Henry VIII whose marriages ended badly & another one. Plus the bodies of 2 Catholic saints are buried in the walls in 'unknown locations'. Anyway the church was full of flowers & he explained that it was perk of the job that beefeaters' families got to get married in the church & one was taking place that day. It's the Last Place on Earth anyone would choose to get married surely.

  2. zxvasdf Dec 26 2014 @ 15:28

    Well, maybe it's a spiritual thing. Probably a bit pink of me to say this but, y'know, it's like saying vows there would ward off potential beheadings in the marriage.

  3. BlastedHeath Dec 27 2014 @ 14:04

    Cool story, lucielucie!

  4. lucielucie Dec 29 2014 @ 07:00


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