"Is that crocodile looking at me? I swear

"Is that crocodile looking at me? I swear he just looked at me." I said as I nudged my friend next to me in the boat. "See, he just winked at me!" I said excitedly whilst pointing

."Oh, him" my friend said calmly "That's no crocodile. That's my Uncle Joe. He lives here in the pond." I squinted my eyes. "I could have sworn..." my words trailed off. Uncle Joe

cleared his throat with a horribly chesty cough.. "Do you mind! I'm standing right here! Please don't talk about me as if I'm not present!" .Disapprovingly, he looked at us both

. Both of us looked away and pretended it wasn't there. That piece of spittle hanging from his lip with a bright green loogie at the bottom. He looked like an angler fish.

It reminded me of the last time his leather boot, freshly cleaned and polished, had pressed my cheek against that cold concrete floor and demanded I lick ... that. It reminded me

I needed to mop the floors again. Where was that darn mop? It had to be somewhere. Real mops don't leave without warning. I headed for the hall closet, where I stored my

Mop and bucket. It had legs which resembled tentacles. It spoke to me too! "Hiya. I am Squidling #5. Nice to meet you." I shook hands with one tentacle and realised something:

Mop ends are slimy, gritty, wet things full of germs. After the handsake with the squidling mop I came down with an incurable disease. I was alright but it wiped out nearly half in

-capacitated elders at the nursing home as it wiped out the floors. I thought the families would sue me, but instead they thanked me and shook my hand. They shouldn't have.