"Is that crocodile looking at me? I swear

"Is that crocodile looking at me? I swear he just looked at me." I said as I nudged my friend next to me in the boat. "See, he just winked at me!" I said excitedly whilst pointing

."Oh, him" my friend said calmly "That's no crocodile. That's my Uncle Joe. He lives here in the pond." I squinted my eyes. "I could have sworn..." my words trailed off. Uncle Joe

cleared his throat with a horribly chesty cough.. "Do you mind! I'm standing right here! Please don't talk about me as if I'm not present!" .Disapprovingly, he looked at us both

. Both of us looked away and pretended it wasn't there. That piece of spittle hanging from his lip with a bright green loogie at the bottom. He looked like an angler fish.

But what I couldn't admit was that I wanted to eat the spit-loogie thing, it looked like it had some chewy bits in it and I started salivating.

I needed to mop the floors again. Where was that darn mop? It had to be somewhere. Real mops don't leave without warning. I headed for the hall closet, where I stored my

Mop and bucket. It had legs which resembled tentacles. It spoke to me too! "Hiya. I am Squidling #5. Nice to meet you." I shook hands with one tentacle and realised something:

Mop ends are slimy, gritty, wet things full of germs. After the handsake with the squidling mop I came down with an incurable disease. I was alright but it wiped out nearly half in

-capacitated elders at the nursing home as it wiped out the floors. I thought the families would sue me, but instead they thanked me and shook my hand. They shouldn't have.