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"I spy with my little eye something green."

  • "I spy with my little eye something green." "Is it money?" I asked. "No, it's a planet you've never heard of." Grrrh. "Dammit, christian god, I'm going to Durga's to pay Twister."

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  • "Oh no, little man," boomed God, "I am sending you to the planet of Grrrh as my ambassador. And cut out the cussing." That's what I get for playing games with God. I packed my bags

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  • and was immediately transported to planet Grrr.. There, God had an office waiting for me. Nothing fancy mind, just a small windowless room with a table and large filing cabinet ful

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  • l of records of failed experiments. God had designated mankind a Species of Special Concern. He'd charged me with analyzing the data he'd compiled on man's population viability.

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  • While the human population & habitat continued to expand the service ecosystems were in decline due to mismanagement. I tried to hide the inevitable catastrophe from God in my repo

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  • -rt. But God was all seeing. He was aware of my "report" when I drafted it. My face reddened. The God said, "Why do you hide your report? Why are you ashamed. Did you eat from the

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  • Office Fridge of Shame? Did you eat my hummus - the hummus with the note attached that clearly says "Don't eat my hummus - God"? I admitted that I had. God was livid. He set

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  • down his sceptre and told me my Divine punishment. From now on everything my lips touched would taste like hummus: everything I ate, everything I drank, every woman I kissed. I

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  • survived the Gobi by eating decaying flesh. I subsisted on my own excrement in a filthy Cambodian jail. All this time, I had not tasted hummus. Would it cancel itself out? I dipped

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  • it off, and went STALLONE. I killed all the Cambodians. All of them. Their country was later bought by Frieza, who sold it to The Armenian Revolutionary Federation.

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2 Comments

  1. zxvasdf Jan 02 2015 @ 09:38

    That didn't come out the way I'd've liked it to do, but actuallly.... would hummus taste like hummus if you were cursed to have everything taste like hummus?

  2. lucielucie Jan 02 2015 @ 10:16

    I think I'd cross hummus off my shopping list if I had the Curse of Hummus. Doesn't seem much point.

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