I'd just sat down to breakfast when I felt

I'd just sat down to breakfast when I felt myself shrinking. I'd been leaning over my frosted wheats when it started, so naturally I found myself naked, 1 inch tall and swimming

in the sugary milky sea. What had just happened? Well, it beats goin' to the office. I breaststroked over to a frosted mini-wheat, hurdling myself up and on it. Stretching out, I

navigated the frosted mini-wheat through the lake of milk towards the shore. After disembarking my raft I found the lake was formed in a crater with sheer white cliffs on all sides

so like, it was kind of boring. But, I'd brought a gallon jug of Popov vodka on the raft. It tasted like paint thinner but soon I was so drunk I started yelling at people who weren

't even there. Grabbing the first man I saw I screamed into his terrified face: "Who are you?! What did you do with my daughter?!". He looked perplexed to say the least, and I saw

the sign. I opened up my eyes and saw the Happy Hour sign flashing. "My daughter'd want me to be happy." I got my new pal a drink, and the chunk of my daughter's hair in his pocket

seemed a paranoid delusion. We drank and drank, drink after drink, until we were sodden. Happy Hour turned to bitter nostalgia. As he recalled a lost love, my daughter's locks fell

dread arose as the suitor sneered at my daughter twirling his handlebar mustache. "She looks just like Clementine when she was younger. Nyah-ha-ha!" (That laugh!)

Then my daughter said, "Of course I'll marry you, anything to get out of this dump!" And they lived unaexpectedly happily ever after. or at least until Clementine showed up again.