Turn away, If you could get me a drink of

Turn away, If you could get me a drink of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded. Call my aunt Marie, help her gather all my things and bury me in all my favorite colors, my

life...it's almost over." The audience applauded. Miss South Carolina was a favorite in the Drama Queen Pageant. Matt Damon, the MC, announced, "And now, let's welcome Miss Utah!"

Miss Utah had previously worked on a soap opera until the crew said she was causing too much drama on set. After being fired, Miss Utah's life went from one breakup, cheating, deat

h defying leap from buildings, and basically blowing more men than her nose could blow tissues during a sinus infection. Yes, Ms. Utah became a bigger whore than Anna Nicole

with all that blowing. My god, she's a walking advertisement for penicillin shots. She was pretty, if you like that type. U know, the ridden hard & put away wet type. She was look

ing more attractive when playing her guitar, but I'm a sucker for the musician type. But all the singing about blowing was a huge turn off. I know I'm surprised as you are, but...

then again I often told I look surprised even when I'm not...a vestige of the overdone brow work I had done by that quack plastic surgeon who still, yes still, incessantly hums his

Superman? Guy like him is a real peach. Why, he's a deli mustard guy. Like you and me. But Flash? Jesus, that guy won't quit. Zipping here, zipping there. Now take Aquaman,

he really must've been at the end of the line when they were handing out superpowers. A good swimmer? I could kick his ass with a snorkel and a hammer. Try me. Just try me.