34

"She made me want to be a better person.

  • "She made me want to be a better person. I made her want to smear herself with guacamole. It was pretty hard to reconcile our respective feelings for one another, which is why we

    4
  • stopped talking about feelings and started ignoring each other more. We went to our favorite Tex-Mex restaurant but sat at different tables. I had salsa. She had guacamole

    4
  • and offered me some, even though she knew I was allergic to it, and could die within seconds of ingesting it. She gave me a dumb look and said: "What? You no like? Want I order you

    3
  • some Spam?" Mightily offended I promptly left the restaurant and embarked on a crazed hunt for the Himalayan Yeti.

    4
  • My friends pleaded with me to not be so crazed in my hunt for the Himalayan Yeti. I was unable to tone down the cray cray. I refused to see reason on my quest to best the beast. If

    4
  • only they had tasted the tender meat of the American Yeti, they would not tease me for so adamantly chasing the Himilayan Yeti. It was like a drug, the flavor, and I was an addict

    4
  • ionary of All Things Bigfoot. My Sasquatchian knowledge of Cryptozoological culinary delights got me work on Food Network, but until I wrangled the Abominable Snowman, I was not

    4
  • ready to put my GInzu blade down. My Girld Friday, Maggie Hallenguild, booked my flight to Nepal. There I would meet up with the best abominable snowman wrangler on the planet. Wan

    3
  • Wu Mackenzie was filming a new biopic about Ma and Pa Kettle and he needs a yeti for the climax. Those are his words. I'm not going to explain it. Ask Wan Wu. I walked off the set.

    2
  • Later, Ma Kettle personally visited me at my trailer. "Wan Wu is attempting to turn our biopic into a porn film! You must stop him!" I looked at him blankly. "What do you think I

    2

3 Comments

  1. KieferSkunk Jan 09 2023 @ 18:57

    Oops, didn't realize I was finishing this story.

  2. LordVacuity Jan 09 2023 @ 23:09

    finish it now.

  3. KieferSkunk Jan 10 2023 @ 01:40

    ...am?" I slammed the door in his face and quit on the spot to go back to my job at McDonald's. ... okay, kinda lame, but eh.

Want to leave a comment?

Sign up!