There is that one thing that everyone knows

There is that one thing that everyone knows you just never do, no matter the situation. What Mike was about to do was one of those things that you never, ever do.

Mike told his wife she looked fat.

"I'm not fat. I'm fluffy," Mike's wife, Suzy, replied. "It's this tight dress and these strappy sandals that make me look chubby. But that's just baby fat, dear." Mike rolled his

tongue, showing her his approval for her voluptuous curves. A rolled tongue was the marked sign of sexual arousal, especially among those in highly populated North Polean tribes

-r bear rug on the ice and began to unpack their picnic hamper. "Nuts! I forgot to pack the hot mustard!" fussed Ukatu, stamping his muklukked feet and causing a crack to appear at

the place he was supposed to have a tail. The crack kept spreading until it contained the Nine Heavens, The Jade Temple, and The Lotus flower of Contentment. Forgotten mustard led

a trail to where the buried treasure lay buried underneath a ketchup X. I hoped a Model-T car was buried there. Collectivism disenfranchised the trowels and shovels. Only my stumps

ever bloomed. Not to be outdone by the sun on a run around Coventry, I donned a sombrero. I was apprehended by Border Patrol and deported to Mexico. I called a distant relative Al.

Her name was Yolanda. She didn't hear me because she was a quite distant relative.