Okay guys, should I or should I not eat this

Okay guys, should I or should I not eat this doughnut?

I'm just going to take a couple of bites and save the rest, I thought. The voice of my voracious appetite suddenly spoke, "Stop staring and eat it already!" I lifted the doughnut

sticky buns of my neighbor in the coffeeshop while he chatted up the waitress.

My neighbor turned and looked down at me, massaging his sticky buns. "What on earth are you doing, Robert?" I got to my feet and grinned nervously. "Just checking for malfunctions.

"Oh, checking for malfunctions is what they call it now? What are you sniffing for kid? Smell something you might not want to be sniffing about or the sniffed might get miffed?"

"Foist of alls, don't call me 'kid.' Cuz I'm like almost 39, ya rat fink. Second of alls, it ain't none yo biz what I'm sniffin on, buddy -- ' like yo shit don't stink!?"

"Heaven forefend!" I says to him, I says, "It has quite the aroma, but I wouldn't care to mention it in polite company." "Who you callin' polite?" he sneers as he blows his nose on

his palms, and repulsively smears the greenish-yellow mucus down some random woman’s long elegant red hair, being sure to spread whatever was left of the snot on her right asscheek

and loving every bit of it.