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The gods had been sleeping when Delores got

  • The gods had been sleeping when Delores got the job at Bean, Bean & Krump.

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  • Legal assistant, Delores was in charge of filling discoveries concerning off-shore dealings with pharmaceutical patents. "If these were to fall into the wrong hands..." she smiled

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  • someone could make millions. However, how many gullible people are going to continue to buy ground palm leaves touted to be the next wrinkle reducer? At $50 a tube, selling like ho

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  • tcakes at a fat farm. It would take the FDA years to figure out the ground palm leaves were really old maple leaves from my yard. I was making a ton of $ with this new cream &

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  • facial lotion. Yeah, the old maples leaves made it sticky and made me smell like a Canadian, but the secret ingredients of ground-up puppy tails and sugar glider wings made me

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  • and my face as soft as a baby's butt. Although it smelt like

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  • smelts. My face, not the baby's butt. That's because I had just eaten a whole plateful of smelts. I had horrid breath, but the baby didn't seem to care.

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  • That's because it was immune. You see, the babysitter was French - you could tell this even when she didn't speak; it's because you could smell her crotch fumes across the room.

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  • That's the price of being a dog. We have powerful noses. This French babysitter was going to face the humiliation of her life at the paws of this Canine. I itched behind my ear

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  • then slyly spraypainted "Dum bich" on the back of her head. Hey, I'm a dog. Barring a tasteless 90s comedy, that's about the extent of my abilities.

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