My latest dieting epiphany is the all-pill

My latest dieting epiphany is the all-pill diet. For breakfast I have 2 glucosamine/chondroitins, a calcium, a vitamin D, 2 vitamin Cs, a baby aspirin, & a large ginko biloba. For

lunch I take two homeopathic mercury tabs, a valium, & a horse pill of castor oil, & for dinner I barf it all up for a zero sum calorie diet. So far I've lost 20 lbs & my scrotal

has shrunk and I look horribly like a gargoyle on Notre Dame. I look a little blue but my friends think its interesting rather than a threatening sign of my insanity.

only adds to our group's outsider status. One day Big Mouth told me he wanted to go to the beach. Being blue, I don't sunburn, but Johahn and Pee-wee (in matching swimsuits) sadly

went p-fzzzzz... fzzzzz... p-fzzzzz. All burnt up. "Great job Big Mouth!" I yelled "Now we're in a group of 2. In fact, can 2 people be called a group? Answer me you great lummox!

The great glistening lips stretched over protruding yellowed teeth in response. "NOOOOO...WE ARE A DYADDDD!" Big Mouth' s tongue stuck out grotesquely & I shuddered at the thought

of having to go out on a date with this thing. I'm serious! Fear Factor had really jumped the shark this time. But I sucked it up and took the huge floating mouth out to my

garage, over to my cherry red convertible. Sure it was flashy. Sure the top was down. But I got in, with my inflatable date by my side. After I buckling us in, I began to pull out

of the parking lot. I didn't notice the truck coming fast toward us. I didn't have time to react when something squishy saved me from death. My date had sacrificed herself for me.