The afternoon of Oct. makes me sleepy. Watching

The afternoon of Oct. makes me sleepy. Watching the sunray from the window pane, the time is passing slowly. "The life won't change if I do nothing." I say. "Yes, this will last

forever." I reach over to hit the snooze button and knock over a glass of water. The droplets fan outward in slow-motion. The clock's second hand hovers. Time winds down.

This is because my 3 year old is standing in front of me with a poopy diaper. The organic foulness has totally stopped time. He has a transformer jammed deep into

his diaper folds mingling with his dingle berries & steaming chocolate sausage.He grinned as only babies do when in production mode. I wanted to rescue my collectible Optimus Prime

from Toby's mouth, but I was afraid he would fling poo at me. "Hey buddy, you want ice cream?" Toby's eyes lit up and Optimus Prime's head emerged from his mouth. "Toby want

ice cweam Toby want ice cweam” said Optimus Prime in a little baby voice sounding like Elmer Fudd on helium. What the hell had happened to Optimus Prime?Since becoming a movie star

Optimus Prime has been smoking pot

-ential energy problem sets since before he could deploy hydrofoils. Optimus's parents prepared to ship him off to a school for young physicists. "Lil' Optimus, do you have plenty

of oil and dilithium sammiches? Don't let that Pinkie Pie trade you cupcakes for them. And don't let Dan steal them for his nefarious plans." Little Optimus went to Hubdergarten.