Once upon a time a passionate and playful

Once upon a time a passionate and playful prince left his palace in Persia and pretended to be a pauper. He passed powerful peers who pissed on his petticoat. Perturbed, he paused

and then the Prince's wife shouted, "Enough, stupid stuff. I am sick an tired of your alliteration, I am your wife and I need a vacation, a failure to communicate is what we have h

ere." The Prince decreed "Our Lovely Lady longs for leisure. Let us lallygag in Aliteratistan." This was exactly what the Princess did not want, but a Prince's decree is final.

Prince's decree, however, was purple and gold and shaped vaguely like a phallus.

It's really not so hard to pull off with the corresponding paint colors and any elongated shape whatsoever.

Famous last words, I thought. These junior interior decorators...they think they know it all, think that anything can go with anything if you assert with conviction. But mauve does

go with pink & it doesn't go with yellow and I should bloody well know. So imagine my inner turmoil when I walked into my flat to find mauve & yellow flowers in a pink jug. Someone

did this. Some decorator. Someone determined to terrorize me with mauve, yellow, and pink. Someone was behind this whole debacle. "MARTHA!!!!" I screamed.

I heard her cold laughter from a distance, echoing from a place unknown. I spun around. A small mauve, yellow, & pink hand stamped & embellished note said it all: REVENGED. Martha.