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The semester was only half over for Stanley

  • The semester was only half over for Stanley Krider and he’d already written off his students this term. A tenure-track associate professor of biology at the regional campus of

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  • not-where-he-thought-he'd-end-up, Stan's hopes of making a difference were crumbling with his students' interest. Something was going to have to change. Maybe a minor outbreak

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  • of herpes simplex would wake these good-for-nothings from their slumber of indifference and intellectual neglect. Nothing like the "gift that keeps on giving," to help with class

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  • action law suits against these Mega Bread Companies like Roman Meal. The general public has no idea that in between each slice of whole wheat bread, hides a quivering mess of

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  • contempt for the American Dream. Roman Meal wanted to much to be the country's favorite bread. But instead, it was the bastard child of white and wheat.

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  • Wheat known for his filandering on white, stepped out on her several times for: a couple of biscuits, a pumpernickel, and an old, rum-soaked fruitcake with large nuts.

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  • He had a rye sense of humor, and was not averse to a roll now and then, especially when the lady fingers touched him a trifle. But he never touched spotted dick even when the

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  • detective was offering a simple, innocent handshake. Hyperpigmentation was his most deeply feared phobia. That, and feeling like he was being constantly watched by a duck wearing

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  • duct tape. He was rather anal about it being spelled that way and not "duck tape", so an actual duck making that mistake was naturally terrifying. Nevertheless, the detective

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  • deflected the defective statement. He was darned determined to detect the dastardly villain, but was doomed to defeat. "What's Columbo's number," he yelled to his secretary.

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