"Of course, I also want total immunity and

"Of course, I also want total immunity and 10 million deposited in my bank account in the Seychelles. Oh, and that painting in your lounge would fit beautifully in my toilet"

He looked confused and asked, "Why would you want to put an expensive painting in your toilet?Sure, it's small enough so you could put the seat down and *maybe* close the lid, but

that wouldn't come close to removing the hard water stains that ring the bowl. Expensive Art is terrible at cleaning toilets. What you need is the new Bowl Muncher!

"Watch this folks and be amazed." He proceeded to pour a box of Cap'n Crunch and a carton of milk into the bowl. Then he ate it, scraped the sides, and flushed. The bowl sparkled

and he knew he'd been tricked. Vampire flavor crystals! In his Cap'n Crunch! He didn't want to be a twinkling pansy with huge fucking caterpillar eyebrows. But suicide isn't easy

the bedazzler machine. You know the rhinestone machine, that can make your old clothes look fabulous and sparkly? I know what I needed to do, after eating all of the lemon pies, I

took every piece of yellow clothing I had to the bedazzler. Maybe my outfit would help me win the pie eating contest. Could I convince the judges that

I was the James Brown of Pie Eating? The Judges have to acknowledge my sparkly cape of awesomeness because

my flamboyance was irresistible. But I could only down 6 pies in 3 minutes & lost to Anthony "The Anaconda" Danson who ate 7. I still say I tied because I ate humble pie that day.