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Derek was the kind of guy who wore a tracksuit

  • Derek was the kind of guy who wore a tracksuit everywhere, even though he wasn't a runner. He liked to trick people into thinking he did verbs. An electrolytic beverage belt held

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  • twenty-seven small throwing knives, all of them unbalanced and utterly useless. Derek did not know this, so

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  • he picked one up & took aim at his beautiful assistant 20 ft away. The first knife flew wide and thunked into the wood about six inches from her right eye. She gave him a WTF look.

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  • He gave her a sheepish smile. A bead of sweat trickled down his nose. Vaudeville knife-throwing looked so easy in the correspondence course diagrams. He took knife two.

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  • & hesitated. Since this was only his 2nd knife,he thought maybe he'd better aim low just in case. POOOING! The knife landed inside her left thigh. Confidentally,he grabbed knife 3

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  • time before he realized that he was trying to grab the knife with his wrong hand. The hand that "she" had chopped off. The phantom feeling had fooled him again. She ripped off

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  • The wrapping on the rutabaga family inside the crate. Mr. Rutabaga jumped out first, saying "Hiya!' and introduced his family. There were some taro roots ready to cook that night.

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  • Stuart showed up at sunrise with a coconut full of warm poi and a hunk of spam strapped across his back. He dropped the spam on Rutabaga's porch, bowed & gave the poi to Mrs. Rutab

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  • -aga. When they had had their fill, Stuart asked them for their daughter's hand in marriage, but the Rutabagas said it was out of the question. They asked if he would settle for

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  • their cousin's dog in a kennel of his choosing. Stuart was delighted! no in-laws no sharing showers and all the free puppy love you can get.

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