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On a much-deserved date with the spouse at

  • On a much-deserved date with the spouse at a new place. New Order's "Bizarre Love Triangle" is playing in the background.

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  • That's all I remember of last night when I wake up next afternoon, reach for a cigarette (I don't smoke), and my dog looks at me and says, "There is no god."

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  • With his deadpan canine eyes of course. I smoked my last cigarette (for now) and decided I needed to find out what I did in my black out last night. I called Raging Stacy, who'd be

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  • down the racecourse already. "You had a near death experience. At Taco Bell. The priest who gave you Last Rites is coming over so put some trousers on and get rid of the evidence

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  • of your demise." I nodded, and closed skype. Then I promptly hid in the closet just as the priest arrived. I heard him sniffing. "I smell taco bell. I know you're in here" he said.

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  • Three years later, we sat at the L&L Snack Shop eating English muffins and sipping coffee. We laughed about it all. How could we not? The taco bell was closed and skype was gone.

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  • Those were my two dogs that passed on six months ago. Taco Bell was a chihuahua, of course, and Skype was

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  • a three legged shih tzu. My two dogs had died because I was being irresponsible and let them off their dog leash. Usually my dogs would follow me along the footpath but

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  • that particular morning, an ice cream truck sped up behind us. My two dogs always chased vehicles, especially ice cream trucks. Suddenly my three-legged shih tzu slipped alonside

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  • a puddle of gasoline dripping from the back of the malfunctioning ice cream truck. I sued, made millions, bought a house in Cuba and even bought a prosthetic leg for my Shih Tzu!

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