On a much-deserved date with the spouse at

On a much-deserved date with the spouse at a new place. New Order's "Bizarre Love Triangle" is playing in the background.

That's all I remember of last night when I wake up next afternoon, reach for a cigarette (I don't smoke), and my dog looks at me and says, "There is no god."

down the racecourse already. "You had a near death experience. At Taco Bell. The priest who gave you Last Rites is coming over so put some trousers on and get rid of the evidence

of your demise." I nodded, and closed skype. Then I promptly hid in the closet just as the priest arrived. I heard him sniffing. "I smell taco bell. I know you're in here" he said.

Three years later, we sat at the L&L Snack Shop eating English muffins and sipping coffee. We laughed about it all. How could we not? The taco bell was closed and skype was gone.

Those were my two dogs that passed on six months ago. Taco Bell was a chihuahua, of course, and Skype was

a three legged shih tzu. My two dogs had died because I was being irresponsible and let them off their dog leash. Usually my dogs would follow me along the footpath but

that particular morning, an ice cream truck sped up behind us. My two dogs always chased vehicles, especially ice cream trucks. Suddenly my three-legged shih tzu slipped alonside

a puddle of gasoline dripping from the back of the malfunctioning ice cream truck. I sued, made millions, bought a house in Cuba and even bought a prosthetic leg for my Shih Tzu!