It was a difficult climb, especially with

It was a difficult climb, especially with 20 kilos of coffee super-glued to my eye-lash. About 400 miles from the summit the eccentric eagle of Essex

swooped down on me and demanded a toll payment. I glared at the eagle but then, I had an idea. I offered the 20 kilos of superglued coffee from my eyelash, but he couldn't yank it

away from the troll who'd crawled out of my nose and was gripping my lashes with all her might. "Hey Eagle, instead of a toll payment, how 'bout a troll payment?" The Eagle

flew away as fast as she could, leaving me behind. The Eagle has a bad history with trolls so I partially don't blame her, but then again this troll is right in front of me...

offering me a subscription to Time magazine, so forgive me if I'm slightly offended that she left me alone with him. I politely nodded as the troll continued his sales pitch.

It would serve her right if this magazine salesman deflowered me here and now and sold me 4 subscriptions to Time Magazine. I can't believe she'd me leave vulnerable like this. How

like an orphan I feel, having been wretchedly abandoned and thrown to the magazine salesman? Sad and alone, I let him in. He and I raided the fridge and watched TV until we heard

A bang on the door

, a whoosh of the wind, a bark of a distant dog. Things were getting surreal. I had to act fast. I picked up the phone and hastily dialed a number. "Domino's Pizza? I'd like a