The unicorn knew he wouldn't last long without

The unicorn knew he wouldn't last long without a heart, but he had given it to the Marshmallow King in the hope that it would save the universe. He could never have predicted that

it would in fact cause the universe's ultimate destruction. For when the Marshmallow King ate its heart, he realised this unicorn was no ordinary unicorn. No, this was the magic

-marker shitting Robot Unicorn of HomoDomoLand. Its heart was so massive from joy that no despondency could escape its loadstone-esque pull; but when Marshmallow King digested it,

they were suddenly attacked by ninjas with jetpacks!

And the jetpacks all exploded like a 4th of July fireworks display and the pieces of shit riding the jetpacks who had interrupted a perfectly good narrative were blown to tiny bits

Penelope was frustrated. She'd been hoping for a chance to try out her parkour and Brazilian Ju Jitsu skills on her night out with Brian, and

Brian just wanted a nice night watching "Antiques Roadshow" and eating twiglets. Penelope arranged to meet him on the roof. Grabbing his hand, she dragged him over the edge, "Run!"

she whispered. "Run fast, dear one, and leap into that great void!" And she gave Brian a great push that launched him out into the tepid air swirling above Manhattan. "Penelope!"

"Pull the cord!" she yelled. But Brian wasn't ready to jump. He wasn't ready to fly. He probably wasn't ready to pancake on the rocks below, either, but..."Pull the flippin' cord!"