"Lots of them!" He said as he pulled the

"Lots of them!" He said as he pulled the pieces of the metal detector from the middle of the redwood tree's base.

The forest ranger snapped his cell phone. He wondered how many more land mines were planted in the California Northern Woods. He surveyed the still smoldering boots of a pot farmer

-'s market hemp boots. Then he felt a warm clump of hair and meet fall on his back. The forest ranger pulled a slab of skull from his shoulder. Above him the boots' owner's guts

spilled, idiomatically. "I stole these boots from that slab of meat," he said. "It once was Robert's. He had a blonde dreadlocked terrarium on that skull." An insect crawled out

of his left nostril, leaving a trail of phlegm across his face. When folding a random story, one must be willing to reveal the most disgusting human truths. She licked it off and

smiled graciously. He was the most eligible bachelor in the fishing village and she could not afford to waste any opportunity to show him she was

double-jointed in both the hips and knees. His eyes bulged out as she contorted into a position so sexually suggestive that it's since been banned within sight of the docks.

He couldn't remember why he woke up under her heavy frame with some undefinable liquid dripping onto his chest. But it was definitely his TBird. He recognized his bodywork.

Shoving her onto the passenger seat, he cleaned off what goo he could, wiping his hands onto her flower-print mu-mu, started the T-Bird and drove to the New Mexican desert for good