Finished Folds (1881—1900)
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9trumped-up bestiality racket. Sure he did it, but they didn't have to make it sound like *that*. Rupert was down and out. Somewhere between Baton Rouge and Tulsa he happened across
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5gut, 24 oz can of Schlitz perched on his other gut (he had a double roller). Then a moment of clarity. Owls eat squirrels. What the Willard clan needed was some undead mutant owls.
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4Woke up, got out of bed. Took a line of smack to the head. Found my way downstairs and drank a pint, looked outside, noticed it was light. Found my coat, grabbed my gack, made the
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4think you're doing?" the ninja whispered menacingly. "This is a live operation." The door swung open and Dr. Menace walked out. The ninja melted into the bushes leaving Benny to
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6, smiled reassuringly, and shoved a stick into the control panel, jamming the Ferris Wheel on high. I set my camcorder on record, placed it on a tripod and watched panic set in.
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0just thought you might want to know that your estate has been put up for auction due to gross negligence & unpaid parking tickets. Should you wish to dispute the estate sale, just
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3-ion of the PTA Board who was chaired by an ex-Marine, Art VanDeLay. Art was 270 lbs of bad attitude & had a passion for LaCrosse. He publicly vowed to kick Jerry Smoogish's ass in
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2"Watch this folks and be amazed." He proceeded to pour a box of Cap'n Crunch and a carton of milk into the bowl. Then he ate it, scraped the sides, and flushed. The bowl sparkled
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1Sounded like he hailed from Scotland. Maybe Ireland. Either way, he had my attention. The accent was thick, and the words were muddled. But the meaning was clear. He wanted me to
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3"Yeah, I see it." he said. "Congrats on taking a dump in a bush. Now help me get out of this quicksand whirlpool before I get lost in the Quixotl Quagmire you". His words were lost
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6Our plan was to spatulize the holy hell out of every bag of flour from Kansas City to Vienna leaving only crumpets crumbs and fatherless children in our wake. But somewhere around
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6I'd nearly finished loading the hay bales but needed some water. I downed the rest of the bottle & then noticed a rabbit hole near the side of the garage. Squinting into the hole,
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4most unfortunate. You must let the journey take its natural course so that the prophecy may be fulfilled. Trust that she will emerge as our savior. Meanwhile, inside the Vortex she
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6To my utter astonishment the amalgamation looked exactly like me. Was I the second coming? I was a nice guy, and a carpenter but I was pretty sure my Dad wasn't God. Was He?
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7I knocked. Knock tap tap tap knock. "Password?" I said "Up yours." The door opened and I stepped into the safehouse. A DEA agent was dead in the corner. 15 kilos of coke were piled
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6In this new universe, entropy decreased slightly with time. You could leave the dishes dirty and if you waited long enough, they'd become clean. Consequently, society had become
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6It was seriously probably at least a 9 on the borschtometer. Really not bad. Although like hummus, some suggest that borscht is subject to a terminal awesomeness barrier since it's
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6didn't understand how much awesomer Americans are than everyone else. The rest of the world is filled with dumbasses & he decided right then & there to prove it to her. "Watch this
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1crack another beer and check the score on the ballgame. I did that, with Mildred's incessant yammering just rolling along. I said "Mmm hmmm" and called up Bob. I'd heard that goat
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2So I said "Look! Jerry Garcia!" I rolled everything up inside a tapestry which had been laid out on the ground. When the hippie turned around, I'd loaded it in my trunk and was