Finished Folds (1961—1980)
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6atonic dog named Fish. Fish was more than just your average lazy dog. He was epically, tragically, hilariously lazy. More than once he'd woken up at his own funeral. His owner Paul
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2and an ass. He was an assclown. Just like in highschool. Guy hadn't changed a bit. Not the kind of person you'd want to trust with responsibility. But he needed insurance and Rick
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0hungry and excited. She dreampt of eating marshmallows and riding rodeo bulls. She awoke to her roommate pounding on her door. Her pillow was
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2several audience members. "You can really taste the blood and freshly broken teeth!" gushed a woman in the front row. Chuck Liddell announced "Tune in next time when we sample cans
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4who simply wanted to follow being a faithful provider, loving husband, and model father with a boys night out. But no! She busted his balls so bad that he ended up
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4I'd been practicing my juggling, unicycling, fire sword swallowing, and tight rope walking for years and now it was about to pay off. What the circus managers didn't know
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2's advantages over life. There are terrors the living must face that make death the easy choice. I knew the evil that awaited me inside this castle was old and merciless. I grasped
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5informing her that she was to be beheaded in Tienanmen square at noon tomorrow for sauce infringement and named flavor reproduction. Plum had to flee Beijing or die. Or perhaps
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6ng's Guard were stunned, then broke into applause. The tyrant was slain! The accidental kingslayer was immediately coronated and a great celebration ensued. As his first kingly act
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4undoing if he kept it as he so desired. He'd finalized the transaction on IdolHands.com and his paypal account was flush. But when Jungle Jack tried to ship the idol he found that
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5But they grew used to his presence and soon resumed their sketches and Parisian banter. As night fell, the crowds dispersed but he remained. A full moon rose. Chopin's ghost
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4He declined so I did the only reasonable thing. I colanderized his head by force. I knew the uncolandered would never survive when the pink rapture came. The idiots with tin foil
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4meaty magic on the fairer sex. Slim Jim had fathered more bastards than you could shake an artificially flavored meat-like stick at. He was bathing in MSG one day when Little Debbi
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4had an army of real attorneys and they countersued him and his fake attorney for everything they had. Broke, broken, and hopeless, they moved into a van down by the river. After
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6let her naive owners live on in their fantasy world, thinking their sweet Asta was just a cute pooch. Still, Asta had a job to do. Her training was complete and Operation Mailman
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2bit the ear off a turkey while Colonel Sanders played chicken with a roided up grouse. I goosed the grouse from the side, trying to get it to hulk out on camera. Turns out, that wa
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8life advice. I said "When things get bad I turn to alcohol. It helps for a while but then things just get even worse. Plus my Dad wants me to eat pony bologna." The Hoarders produc
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4expand our vocab a smidge while we entertain ourselves? After that, it's mass quantities of caffeine & a Chutes&Ladders / Twister hybrid where we head down to the local playground
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2baking even, not fit for canning, likely a waste of compost space. Mr Okley threw the sorry pumpkins in a corner of the yard and forgot about them. About 6 months later he happened
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2"Why not?" you said. "What could happen?" you said. "Aw, what the hell" I said. Now here we are. Facing certain death, most likely an excruciatingly painful demise, and yet