Finished Folds (281—300)
-
9midnight mass with Ma and Aunt Gertrude, listening to them fart and giggle—a result of eating too many roasted chestnuts and drinking too much eggnog. Death by Christmas cheer.
-
5of Dawson’s Creek. Innovative Kama sutra. Katie Holmes’ pubic flash of usefulness, pounding her femininity from side-to-side, spitting sparks of freedom on his emaciating manhood.
-
9drinking a latte and breastfeeding a baby. I strolled over and said s/he looked great. S/he knew me as an ex-lover; then s/he explained how s/he by mistake impregnated him/herself.
-
5Thomas Jefferson Elementary School. “Eugene,” I demanded, “Are you the one who put the frog down my panties in 1st grade?” Eugene, not rejoiced by his rebirth, twisted in pain.
-
3Ambling into the hotel room, Sally flung her clothes on the floor. She strode into the bathroom naked, flipped on the light switch, and shrieked. A maid rested in a pool of blood.
-
7vintage records?” Lacking empathy, Ms. Pence disclosed that she had seized his treasured, 78 rpm, shellac records, molded them into salad plates, and sold them for a buck a piece.
-
4An answer came fast: a phantom loomed over me, and, in a wink, I was out cold. When I awoke, the suitcase lay open and empty in front of me, and I was naked…and still handcuffed.
-
4but Maggie rammed the dark purple Air Freshener tree, with the Mega-dank locker-room stank, to the upper reaches of Phil’s sinuses; barking like a mad dog she howled, “Breathe deep
-
5was instantly stopped by a mariachi trio sporting green and red sarapes with a large “5” embroidered in white at the front. “Senor Herman Boyd, you can’t die alone!” They sang.
-
8ped the leg of a Chinese sailor named Fun who knew me as the AWOL fruit (the nuts were rounded up not far from the trash); Fun took me back to the mess hall before chowtime ended.
-
2She likes wine; so, do I. She said she’d wear a Halloween costume for wine. I asked what costume. For lots of wine, she said I can choose. I felt a stirring. Birthday suit?
-
6Where are you, gurl? Come on, shake a tail feather. You mermaids all were blessed with beautiful heads and heart-shaped tail feathers. Now, get out there and shake yours, Shelley!"
-
3,basically, crashed through the show window, breaking the metatarsal bones in my left foot, and terribly damaging my right foot prosthesis.” “What about the cat?” I wanted to know.
-
5…a year ago, if you had asked, I would’ve called you a blockhead, but, today, I’d call you a genius. “Hey, Genius, you’ve got your shirt on inside out!” I told you I was important.
-
8Silence of the Lambs reunion.” The caterer didn’t yield; he punted the severed head from the headhunter’s machete, crying, “Wait until you taste it smothered in caramelized onions
-
6it became clear that I knew zilch about ghosts, especially seafaring ghosts, sponge coral ghosts that quickly sucked up all the water, leaving Kevin the hamster hung out to dry.
-
7at the maître d, Sigurd Mostrom—could there be anything more nauseating than the melding of stink-like-ass Lutefisk and stink-like-vomit Egg Foo Yung at one hundred bucks a plate?”
-
3“Ah, screw it!” I roared, raising the coffee tabletop to reveal a dozen or more sticks of dynamite; resuming over my friend’s gasp, “You won’t see this power dynamic on YouTube!"
-
3But the best laid plans of mice and men… The He-Queen played dead in the bath, stabbed; the She-Queen undressed, slid down into the tub, saying, “When you’re done playing, wash my
-
2Dottie made every effort to impress; she lured her red wig out of mothballs—judging by the size of its balls, that was some big moth; she had a sponge bath and soaked her dentures.