Finished Folds (121—140)
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2He had no money & no place to live; his wife ran off with a garbage truck driver named Bernice (who found her way onto his Dental Insurance policy). Then, Bernice backed over him.
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1Peter donned his purple wig and purple glasses, headed to the purple factory to help make purple mattresses for the Purple family of which he was the youngest. Peter Plum Purple II
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3Alas, the Stark Guard misheard her to say daiquiris, and in less than an hour everyone, other than she and the dragon, was shit-faced; whereupon St. George managed to escape alive…
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3buxom redhead named Roxanne. Soon, males from all over the Universe™, came a courting on Roxanne. Unfortunately, for the next five thousand years, Roxanne either ate or dismembered
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3the touring bus when the other members of Blue Floyd wouldn’t let Joe Dirt on the bus, shouting, “Joe Dirt, you ain’t a member of the band; you’re a lousy kazoo player and your dog
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4We watched in disgust as the ice cream man softened (chocolate, vanilla, and nuts churning around his torso); Then he opened the freezer and climbed in to lay down with Good Humor.
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3Reed; she taught me everything about idiosyncratic selfishness. I pity the fool who don’t love himself, she used to say. What’s happening here between Ms. Tee & me is strictly pro
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3inquired Mr. Manicotti. “Where’s the beef?” Pliny the Elder, downed a shot of Anisette, slammed the glass on the table, reached into his boot and yanked out a Slim Jim. “Attsa nice
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4by Medieval Lord, Donny-cuss Duncey-kiss Trumpy-ass. The entire population wanted normalcy, & was fatigued by their leader’s lunacy, & amenable to just about anything. Just about…
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3were senile: Sister Agatha, for example, wore no underwear, no socks, no shoes; she smelled of citrus fruit, and kept photographs of naked children under her Habit. I loved them.
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2above, a silvery swirling dangerous shadow that swelled faster than puff pastry; a now yellowish-gray egg pie oxidizing before my eyes, and then turning into olive-green snowflakes
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1returned to his origins, back to the mockingbirds, woodpeckers, spiders, and snakes, making sure to propagate the disease everywhere. He was sure life would soon be back to normal.
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4would have to wait 6 weeks for the swelling to subside before consummating the marriage; in the end, his severed member may have saved him since his bride ran off with the surgeon.
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2; his water nymph defiled by a fictional submarine. Truly, Neptune’s anger and rage will exhaust your fake existence. Nautilus was neither pleased nor troubled by Neptune’s wrath.
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1er I get a hankering for a good screwing; I resist the urge to rape (something I did relentlessly before I made my first billion) & go straight for my wallet. Waste not, want not.
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2, did you say dessert? Everything you’re wearing is edible, even that thong you’re packed into…strawberry watermelon. And those crotchless panties she’s wearing…cookies and cream.”
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3After the early desire subsided, and enough feathers had been ruffled, they broke off the affair. Ludwig von Drake retired to Canada. Daisy went on to act in Fowl Bros. Stag Films.
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3Prince Lout defiled the Royal Rolls Royce’s cashmere seats with human filth. Then he raged to the castle in time to hear the King say, “How do you like the car, Son? It’s yours!”
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6gave her my unsolicited opinion, to which she gave me a feigned nod of gratitude. In crustacean society, displaying self-importance is the quickest way to a pot of boiling water.
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2will a group of MAGA-hat-wearing zombies infected with covid-19 be teaching classes, and do I need my Kevlar vest, helmet, face mask, goggles, and backpack? Oh, & what’s for lunch?