Finished Folds (7961—7980)
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0steal the teeth off his dead grandma. He'd stolen the shoe laces at Uncle Rob's funeral. Kissed sister Betty's ear when she died and stole the diamond earrings with his tongue
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2and sweat pant stank gave me an erection I could wrap cotton candy on . My handkerchief hung from my back pocket. Super long wallet chain. Carnival hat. Damn, where is my toothpick
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0so that they'd bleed a little later. She'd also infused the caramel with Novocaine and Valium. She wanted the little tyrants to 1) not feel the bleeding and 2) pass out. Only then
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2because it was still moving. The baby zombie (Bombie) bared it's fangs for her breast, but it didn't want milk. She drop-kicked the bundle of hate into an oncoming garbage truck
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1This nightmare was how gullible I was. I believed whatever anyone told me. When they told me I was gullible and I believed that. I believe whatever the last thing someone tells me.
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0to the bathroom. The roped wasn't long enough to reach under the stall so they had to do their thing together. One at a time. They'd coordinated their meal content so they'd stink
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2Back in my day people thought Halloween was the devil's birthday. Back in my day licorice was a treat. Back in my day...I used to believe in love. So I had no choice but to sob
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3Then I wake up and realize that I have no chance with the Josie from the Pussycats. I'm a giant shark named Jabber jaws. I'm not even a mammal. I have a cartilaginous skeleton that
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4You get cross-eyed and migraines from constantly watching the film with those stupid Captain EO 3-D glasses. Then Chief Joseph's ghost appeared and told him Avatar is about
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2He wondered if Larry could shed light on that. Larry swore by water beds and oily massages, he'd know what it was all about. Jack was supposed to meet him at the Regal Beagle but
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5But the bear wasn't interested in Nun Carcass, it wanted the 12 jelly donuts in Stan's mini. The bear charged the mini, Stan chucked the nun and the bear backhanded it into
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2said, "If you think Paula was crackpot judge wait until you put the Scarecrow in the seat. Idiotic phrases emit from his sack mouth like crap out of a goose." She put her ruby
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1what an awesome way to kill my wife's cat I thought. Charred flesh, sinew and smoky fur rained down and I lifted my face to the sky. There will be a reckoning but first I will kill
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3hat sitting in her lap. It hid 25 pounds of plastic explosives. She told everyone she was on her way to a school play and she was Lincoln. She'd scribbled a sharpie beard on her
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2she zoomed towards the crimson moon. The hellfire rained down from the other witches. She wept. Yes the violence was beautiful but it had no purpose. Then the Moon Angel spoke and
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0Octogenarians mounted their Power Chairs heading straight for the local malls. They wanted to eat brains blended with Ensure.
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2Sam's club automated system answered the phone. He waited through the list of departments and then dialed "666." The Voice came on. "Yes, my child, what have you brought me?" He
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1stop lying to herself. Ice Cream Bras? She was no inventor. What about the "tires with folding knives?" Or the "Television Lawn Chair."
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3face the facts: Gregor is dead. So we are charged with destroying Kenya. but we don't have an army. To raise an army we need money but we have no money. However, AmWay will
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0he lost only fed the demon more. It'd gotten so bad that he would get his grandmother drunk then steal money from her purse. If he'd won he'd pay her back, but he never won, he