Finished Folds (8301—8320)
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3or some such crap. Whenever my mother was angry with father she would recite recipes. Once when she found him in bed with a whore she recited how to make a turducken. She needed
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2and a beer. Why choose when I can have both. Thank god I was marrying an alcoholic. She wouldn't look down her nose at me when I demolished a case of Bud all by myself. Now
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2would be lame like all the other ones. What he really wanted was a fight. He wanted to tell the "overworked" housewives of the world to stop pretending to be busy.
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1It was Absolute Berry Acai and that enraged the ant-eater. He hated alcoholism and anti-oxidants. He went berserk. He jumped on the counter. His paw went into
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1knees were the product of having to constantly look under the couch for lost legos. For infinite the children would drop legos, and they would have to pick them up. When Zeus heard
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2Grandma was mad as hell and wasn't going to take it anymore. All the lurid stares, all the arrogant "ahems." She had been writing checks in the grocery store since before any
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3turd that had fallen out of his mouth. She wrenched upward. The meat hook caught him in the groin. She attached that to her horse's halter. She pulled out a carrot peeler and ran
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2comparing that to the variations in baking at different altitudes back home. Some Bureaucratic Emir in the tri-fold system's document tracking cordon had thought of it. Perhaps
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3company time. He worked for UPS, he smirked when he said, "What can brown do for you?" That's what he said before he took a lead pipe to brittle knees of an elderly woman who
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1to be commenced by an birthmarked Alton Brown who had shamelessly shunted his show to be the spooky spokesperson for an Impish Iron Chef set in an arid arena in
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1and loaded the kiosks with plastic explosives. I rigged the pewter dragons to ignite the mass of mayhem. There is no scent better than barbecuing zombie flesh. It has a sweet
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2body surfing on a bed of nails. But the coppery sting of blood and puss made him feel alive. That an microwaving small mammals. That's what breeding the weasels was for, so
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3The man on the cellphone talked loudly. He was like a klaxon with a bad script. He was white but yucked it up like House of Payne. The people around him were trying to enjoy
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2The family was gathered around the table, like past Christmases. The table was set with Waterford crystal. Mother brought out the roasting pan. When she lifted the lid, a severed
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1Crap, there's Matilda. I will look in the opposite corner of the room and walk like I have something to do. What's that on my shoe? Dog crap? Damn, well I can't worry about that
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2So this is where father kept his so called pornos. Under the bed. How clever. She wondered if mom knew. She wondered is mom watched them with him. Was that how she was conceived?
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3His wife was a slob. It had taken him years to admit this to himself. He had taught her his system. The alphabetized mail slots. The organized fridge to size and expiration. But
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4He waited for the Rhino to come to the spot. He had laced the innertube with Female Rhino heat musk. But the night was quiet. Then he heard trampling. He shone his light and
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4He went to the foley stage. It was the last line he had to record for Rocky III. The director told Stallone, "This is where Clubber Lang hits you-" Stallone put his hand up, then
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0They went into the dressing room. That's when the AXE men's body spray fell on the crowd. She reached down to get it and he kneed her in the chest. She flew back into the mirror