Finished Folds (8401—8420)
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3Herman was nice. He wore scarves and black-framed glasses. He wasn't gay but he wasn't straight either. The concept of sex seemed boring to him. What he really liked was
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5Everyone said, "No!" but he marched into the recording studio. Production came to a halt. That bastard took off his headphones and said, "What's up?" Then Ted Nugent raised a bow
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5They had been living in IKEA for 6 mos. now. They ate .99 cent Swedish meatballs everyday and lounged in the model front rooms. When they got sick of a decor, they just walked to
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1All she ever wanted was to be loved. But people weren't capable of it. They envied her too much. She was too smart, too stylish, too beautiful and as a result, jealousy was all
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0which was strange because he didn't know the dog had cancer, or toe nails. They were pulled out peremptorily to avoid the cancer. But he could sense the cancer, like a spidey-sense
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2fun instead of corny. But our parents watched America's Funniest Home Videos and Wheel Of Fortune. Those bone-chilling shows drained us of any comedy and now we must
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2He considered himself lazy and spiritual. This is why he was a huge follower of "The Secret." All he had to do was think about stuff and it would happen. His favorite place to
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6So he broke down and bought the nook. When he turned it on their was a message. It was strange because the message from a dead person named Ralphie. The message
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5He opened the book and saw his dad. The pipe. The estranged Senator's wife and of course, the maple scone. What he couldn't believe were the photos. How could
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2just big enough to fit on the roof of his dog house. Snoopy, the flying ace, was prepared to grease some aliens. The one thing he couldn't get over was how Charlie Brown had folded
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4I kill anything with the word "snuggle" in it. Cute makes me sick. I drove a railroad spike through that sugar coated teddy bear that sells those dryer sheets. When I was 11 I
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1at least that's what we West Hollywood cheerleaders like to shout from the man pyramids. I am saucy and no I have not had my V8. When I got my Captain Morgan's on I am ready
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1But that's because I actually mean all the sick, co-dependent narcissistic trash that pours out of my mouth. Rupaul needs to stay out of my space, but he can never leave. Hotel
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1pit bull and shouting, "That's a good dog. Oh yes he is. He's a good boy. Oh yes he is." They busted the centipede in their half shirts and all the dog could do was
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3That the angel Moroni was living in Fred's urethra. He was the messiah. Unfortunately this revelation came to him at the Flying J between Phoenix and San Diego. He ran to the
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2marinade of Jones soda and soy nuts. But that was because I was utterly pretentious. I considered myself to be the William Shatner of serial killers. Oh yes, I had dined
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2Ivory Coast which was full of these swallow weiners. They were like swallows, only longer and skinnier. So I took out my blow gun and aimed it at the captain, he raised his fist
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3Bristol Palin. She was bloated, connected and wore pancake make up. It was like someone smeared silly putty across her face and then stung her with bees. Her mom got on the
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1groused about how cheap coffee was when they were young. They kept this up until Santa's lash caught one of them in the lip. The reindeer cowered and begged for forgiveness but
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4sauer kraut ice skates. We had both joined the ice show at Six Flags. Backstage was the pits. All of us were losers. Even circus clowns looked down upon us. But my food skates were