Finished Folds (8461—8480)
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2Linda married and divorced her first awkward turtle. The turtle struggled with drug and alcohol abuse, and went through recovery in the mid 1990s. After marrying his second
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1Lars was burnt in Fife, Washington, and braised as a Boy Scout. He groped his eleventh disc-jockey for his pukey radio station at the age of 13 after which
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5Flipping through the channels he froze on UHF. He saw himself sitting there on the tv. His couch was on tv. His living room was on tv. He lifted the remote and
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3She saw her dad cup the woman's breast. Crap, that ain't mom, she thought. But she sure looked like mom. Except, the hair, it was made of snakes and her skin was
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4"The Commisar's in town," someone whispered. Don't turn around he thought. Just keep pushing this wheel barrel full of Mighty Putty to the bus stop. If he can was it up
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1He saw green blood. Most people would run, but he was Austrian! He wanted to calm the muscular sweating Indian so he said, "If it bleeds, we can kill it." But the blood
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2She stood at the top of the stairs. A robot got her fat brother a drink. Her husband stood there in his stupid italian jacket and cabbie hat. He was too old for all this crap and
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3The crowd reeked of vodka. They were puking in their seats. Their chants were slurred but he could make out the name. They chanted for him. Well screw that noise then. I'll
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3He was stewing in his Italian Sportscar. He had the leather gloves to prove it. He shifted gears and couldn't get the Russian giant out of his head. He thought of the statue
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2"How did I get here?" he thought as he sat on the tip of a Trident Nuclear Weapon. It was damn uncomfortable. He looked down and realized just how far down
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3He blasted outside. He was shirtless with his sweats stuffed into gortex work boots. He had a fur hat on. He yelled for his son. Lunch was on and he was serving moose stew
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0I scratched my balls by the pinch-rub technique. It makes me go to the happy place. Then afterwards I smell my fingers. These private joys are all that sustain me because
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2Don't sugar coat it. Take out the fart spray and goose this turnip good. I'm tired of everyone blaming the fat guy for unowned odors. This time I will strike, and strike hard until
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5but i realized that all the salt was coming from my dog's tongue. I fainted with my mouth open and that damned Mastiff was licking my tongue. Why just a few minutes ago that
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0he changed his name to Richard Bauchman and I lost all respect for him. After that he just cranked out "spooky" crap like a broken Xerox machine. That's why I joined the
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0show her the map to Del Taco on the spidery veins of my scrotum sack. I tattooed all kinds of directions there. Atlantis was near my taint, but no one wanted to look
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1screamed, "because I am holding a thermal detonator!" The office workers screamed. Until there was just the laughter of Cindy, the obese assistant manager. She said, "This
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0because their cores were weak. It was the result of wearing a weight belt everywhere. He just couldn't admit he was fat. He had use the belt to pull his gut in. But the shredded
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3Metallica took the stage. It was the old Metallica not the new, fat mostly ballads Metallica. The coke finally entered her system. She took out a razor blade and slit her eyelids
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1and screamed, "It's Halloween you uptight bitch! Live a little!" I grabbed out kid and threw her into the tub of water and apples. This Halloween daddy's dressed up and ready