Finished Folds (181—200)
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2But they waited and no baseball game ever started. They sat on those uncomfortable stadium seats getting more and more pissed. Some hoodlum got the idea to set fire to the seats
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2While I wait for that dinner invitation, I’m scanning the pet-food aisle for ideas. That can of Fancy Feast looks delish! I’ll grind Milk Bone to make flour. My cell phone rings.
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2him jumping over the wall, and he had always been a poor jumper. So he started building an autogyro and 2 weeks later flew over the wall. His heart sank: The unicorns had moved on.
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2I didn’t think I’d like lobster heaven, but it’s OK. Daily I boil up a huge pot of water and drop a human with duct-taped hands into it. Ahh, the screams! Still, I can’t help think
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2A hand went up in back of the classroom. “Yes?” “Professor, those things you just mentioned could potentially kill you, right?” “Nonsense! Now, gather round this vat of Kool-Aid."
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2effect was no illusion: The characters in her story became real, and the storyteller faded out. **POP!** The characters (a dog, a horse, and Melvin) were suddenly awake and looking
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5Plesiosaurs, marine dinosaurs, evolved into land reptiles just to chase archaeologists, scaring them but only tickling their feet upon catching them. No wonder they became extinct.
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4no longer living and barely breathing poster children in a George A. Romero flick. In fact, get Romero, dead since 2017, to MC! Just look—I mean dig—him up at his grave in Toronto!
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3my ass. The final cactus needle must have been stuck in just the right spot, because when I removed it the air in my body began hissing from the hole. I started to flatten, so I
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3So I was paddling in waters that defied physics. Then I thought: Maybe my paddle is defective. Pulling it from the water, I saw the blade was an iPhone screen and my Aunt Edna was
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1e. “You’re FREE, books!” shouted the anarchists. But the books, being books, didn’t move. They just stayed scattered on the library floor. This pissed the anarchists off to no end,
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3than catching flies…if you get my drift!” He winked lewdly. Unfortunately, I got it but wanted no part of it. “My, look at the time!” I said, consulting my bare wrist. “Gotta go!"
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4cream then. What’s your favorite flavor?” Boy, did THAT cause problems. They couldn’t decide. “Butter Pecan!” “Pistachio!” “Rocky Road!” I bought Vanilla and they all seemed happy.
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3surface. They looked at each other. “We better jump in and save him!” “Naah, that’s just what he wants! He’s OK.” “I’m going in! He owes me $20. He'll never pay up if he drowns!"
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4to her. Capitalizing on her nudity, she mounted a white horse, shook out her flowing blond hair, and rode off. A reporter stepped up: “Would you care to comment, Senator Godiva?"
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4hawking a fruity coffee sports drink. She realized too late it was marketed wrong. Buyers thought “CoffAde” was cough syrup, but it did nothing for cough and kept you up at night.
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4But he returned in 20 years, landing his spaceship on my front lawn. He looked like he hadn’t aged one day (such is space travel). He approached. “Did I leave my cell phone here?"
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2blocked his esophagus, Walter motioned for help. He was choking. A good Samaritan stepped behind him and performed the Heimlich. The melon shot out and took out half of Cleveland.
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3and there’d be no more bird feeders to raid. “Rocky the Flying Squirrel” would not be a cartoon but a record of an extinct species. We laced our nuts with cyanide and took a bite.
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4to the park. Joe’s dog waited calmly as a walnut was plugged in his ass as bait. A squirrel took the nut, unleashing the dog’s devastating fart. “Fresh-gassed meat tonight, boy!"