Finished Folds (201—220)
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3to posing for Coca-Cola ads.” So he headed to the ad agency, only to find Santa Claus in the waiting room. “Great!” thought the polar bear, “Competition!” So he ate Santa Claus.
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3Brennan from “Private Benjamin.” Raines let go her head and let it thud on the floor. “So where’s Capra?” Raines puzzled. A car started outside. Raines got to the window in time to
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6Beef in China isn’t as good as it is at home. But Marco learned China has great hot dogs, and he brought Marcia back a 10-pack. Marcia just glared at him. “So where are the rolls?"
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6for the stuff, mixing it with the bum wine they already drank. One day while not too deep in an alcohol stupor, a hobo named Mel had an idea. He gathered all the cans of Moose Cola
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4the town, emptying the pool. There I was: Sitting in a dry pool at a party attended by people aflame. I’ve had sucky birthdays, but this one took the cake…I mean the Baked Alaska.
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4the piccolo came out playing its solo from “The Stars & Stripes Forever,” causing the entire delivery room staff to stand and salute. The piccolo grew up and became a lovely flute.
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3looked up and froze in horror as a Pink Pearl descended upon her and began erasing. Her scream ceased when her mouth was gone. Dr. Seuss put down the eraser & began drawing again.
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3concern and pain from hemorrhoids. When he realized I was OK, Manatee sighed, eyeing me strangely. “So, are you gonna lie here all day or are you gonna help me with my next case?"
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4just to get onstage in 3 weeks. By then, the show was over, and the barker stood there alone, frowning with arms folded. “You’re fired!” he yelled. I hurried offstage in a month.
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4rapture. Minutes later she opened her eyes. She was puzzled; she no longer saw cuneiform carvings. It had all been a hallucination. Before her eyes was graffiti, full of F-bombs.
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4NY Times review of “Bedtime for Bonzo.” The rocket launched, abruptly changed course to Simi Valley, California, and headed straight for the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library.
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4County” for a vicarious thrill to replace a ritzy address. Then I thought: Prestige is a mindset. So I bought a chicken coop, wrote “Buckingham Palace” over the door, and moved in!
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4other. Then the Mormons showed up, claiming they were “out there” along with those other cults. When the SubGenius and Flying Spaghetti Monster kooks objected, the Mormons revealed
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5According to the Dead Book, a body having top value was…one exactly his age. He would fetch 500 points easy. Dejected, he entered the coffin and instructed the lid to be nailed on.
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5The pilot announced “We’ll be in Rome in 20 minutes.” “ROME?!? I thought we’re going to NOME, Alaska!” “I thought we’re flying HOME!” They decided next trip to hire a travel agent.
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4Eventually Cicada Man and his destruction were forgotten. 17 years later he re-emerged, this time to practice goodness. Then some ignorant slob killed him with a giant flyswatter.
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2in the volcano’s mouth. A horrific voice rumbled from the volcano mouth. “I’m no football fan! I love beach volleyball! Bring me Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Treanor as a sacrifice!"
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3!” said Manicotti as he took the offered Slim Jim. I couldn’t resist telling him the location from whence it came put it squarely in toe jam territory. “Attsa how I like ‘em!"
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5roast pan, denting both it & the Man Who Folded the World’s head. Manatee shook anger off, regaining his senses. His victim? Not as lucky. He became the Man Who Drooled the World.
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4the agony of it all! As our power depleted, there was nothing to power our sphincters, and farting became impossible. On the positive side, we’d never have to shave again. Goodbye!