Finished Folds (221—240)
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5In fact, the mathematics of polka music stymied even Albert Einstein. Working tirelessly to theorize it, he finally gave up. “Screw it,” he wrote, “I’m going back to Relativity."
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4Huong tried kicking the dead sparrow under the counter as he shielded the $500 hanging out of his pocket. “WELL?” demanded the voice, “Where’s my bird, money, and lottery tickets?"
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3When Curly offered to get the Stooges past the bouncer, Larry became, once again, the guy who was not proactive but reactive. “Curly envy” built to a fever pitch inside Larry until
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6Ah, those memorable, real-life, senile nuns! The Flying Nun, Singing Nun, and Whoopi Goldberg had NOTHING on them, baby! I was so enamored I bought the whole bunch a station wagon.
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2“ St. George’s victory was brief. The front door opened, admitting another dragon. On its back rode Daenerys Targaryen. Seeing the slain dragon, she uttered one word: “Dracarys!"
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5Then Henry enters. “Why in hell are you watching bubbles pop in boiling water?” he asks incredulously. “Go weed the garden, dumb ass!” Christ, was I pissed! I picked up the pot of
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4falling like manna from Heaven. Then it began to rain delicate liverwurst slices and globs of Cool Whip. I grabbed with one hand and stuffed the combo into my mouth. Then I puked.
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5usi and breathe fire on the fairies’ wings, burning them off? Then the dragons can ignite the baboon’s ass, turning it into a flaming, Technicolor lump. His sadism bothered me, and
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3only clothes available. They got over their embarrassment and thought about food. “What is there to eat on this desert island?” “Eat?” said the Frederick’s of Hollywood clerk, “Why
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6quintet. He could play all 5 ocarinas himself with 5 of his rectums & still had 1 rectum left to be the MC. Thing was, Poppers still had just 2 hands, which made fingering the oca
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3d fathom. Having billions also meant being famous, and I had no need for fame. In fact, I became rich only to attract the ladies and catch up on all the screwing I’d missed. Whenev
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3gave in to temptation when my other uncle, Ludwig von Drake, showed up. Daisy was smitten by him. They carried on a torrid affair, which was easy because neither one wore pants.
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4ing to kill the bastard themselves, but what else could the geese do? Damaging the floor joists was it. They made cuts below, piled golden eggs on the weakened floor, and waited.
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5I had calmed the audience a bit, and some of them took their seats. But then a tremendous fart rang out, and the panic resumed. People bolted for the exits to escape the stink, and
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3haiku describing diagnosis and follow-up care. She knew a haiku wasn’t detailed enough to use, especially for follow-up. “What kind of doctor are you?” He said “QUACK!” 17 times.
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2spoke warily. “When you said leave room for Jesus, is that like leaving room for dessert?” It must not have been because he rapped me on the head with his bible. “Heathen!” he yell
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3cavernous 1-car Royal Garage to himself! Prince Lout would make the garage into a Royal Man Cave! That is until he entered one day & saw the king’s Royal Rolls Royce inside. Angry,
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10, which they saw from the neon sign outside was named “Afterlife Market.” They entered & got pissed. It was the only store in the afterlife, & prices were outrageous. Death sucked.
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5with a 40,000-volt joy buzzer. I laughed crazily but stopped mid-cackle to find my sulfuric-acid seltzer bottle leaking on my shoes. I hightailed it out of there to epic applause.
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5Shocked, he let go. The balloon shot up. After a deer-in-headlights moment he said “My balloon!” Pawing air like a cartoon, he swam up, nabbing it. “How the FUCK did I do that?"